So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
