I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
