New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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