Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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