Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
