Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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