if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
