Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
