Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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