I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
