Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
