oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
