This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
