so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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