i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
