How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
