In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
