well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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