Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
