even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
