The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
