i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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