I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
