he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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