i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
