his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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