You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
