Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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