I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
