I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
