i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
