okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
