dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my phone needs a breathalizer
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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