I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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