she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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