sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
