just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
