I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
