I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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