Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
