when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
