; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
