yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
