I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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