That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That accounts for only three of the penises
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
