What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
