i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
