I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
