She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He better not be in your backpack
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
