she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
