Why are handjobs necessary in class?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
