she looked like the bat from fern gully.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I need water and some morals
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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