I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
