OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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