when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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