Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
