she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
